


The torture of memories

by BlueBoxDetective



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 20:03:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17270213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueBoxDetective/pseuds/BlueBoxDetective
Summary: Monsters force the Doctor to remember her worst memories. Yaz, Ryan and Graham have to let her suffer through and do their best to help her afterwards.





	The torture of memories

**Author's Note:**

> I am not native to English and do want to apologize for any mistakes I have made. Happy to hear your suggestions and opinions about the story :)
> 
> Doctor Who is a trademark of the BBC, all rights reserved. My story is only shared for the enjoyment of others and is not intended to get myself any advantages or to create the feeling that the characters are my own.

It had been a trap. They couldn't have known – it wasn't like the letter had said “A prince from a planet far away wants to give you a lot of money!”. It had asked for help, and of course they went to check. And sure, they had expected danger. But not that kind of danger!  
Carefully they had left the Tardis and wandered through the dark corridors, their flashlights illuminating the old, run down building. They hadn't seen it coming. As they were climbing down a flight of stairs (into a room that was a dead end, as they later found out), the door behind them fell shut. At least it seemed like it fell, but it was probably pushed. Immediately they ran back to the door, and – to their surprise – they could open it. The problem was waiting behind the door: Lots and lots of ghosts. Not like the ones you see in movies, they weren't souls from humans that stuck around after their flesh host had died, it was more like a kind of creature none of them had met before. It was like looking through frosted glass, like swirling steam that floated around the hallway. On its own, that wouldn't have been too bad – they had walked through worse things than odourless steam – but they soon discovered that if they touched you, they brought back bad memories by creepily whispering words they should have no idea of. The Doctor put it into other words, but it pretty much meant the same for them: The ghosts were feasting on the dark aura that creatures emit when they think about something troubling. At the same time the Doctor was fairly certain someone had brought them here to get revenge on her, but the others couldn't remember the name she mentioned. To be fair, it didn't seem unbelievable that she could have a lot of people (or things?) that were angry with her. Unfortunately that realisation didn't help them out of their inconvenient situation. Some experimenting showed that the ghosts sadly weren't affected by the sonic screwdriver or physical things (how desperate had the Doctor to be to allow Ryan to throw a brick at a creature?).  
In the end, the only thing the Doctor came up with was “feeding them”.  
“You can't be serious.” Graham told her staggered, the way his eyebrows were pulled together and his eyes were squinted a bit the others could see his worry. “I only touched them once and was nearly crying because I had to watch Grace die. This is going to be impossible.”  
“I don't have any other ideas. And don't worry, you don't have to do it.” she reassured Graham, taking off her coat.  
“No!” Yaz exclaimed, “Don't go out there! It's going to be horrible.”  
The Doctor looked at her, sad, but stern. “It will be all right,” she stated, and because of what she was about to do nobody called her out for her lie. She pulled her sonic screwdriver out of her pocket and handed it Yaz, together with her coat.  
“Once they are full, you run and open all the doors, Yaz. Graham, Ryan, I trust that you will bring me back with you, whatever state I will be in.” The two men nodded, frowning at the idea of how they might find the Doctor. The time lady stressed: “And whatever you do, don't intervene or come after me. I'm afraid they might be able to completely drain you. My biology is complex enough that I'll hold up. Hopefully.” The last word was just a whisper she spoke to herself. Yaz pulled her into a hug: “To fill you up with happiness, you know,” she told her and Graham and Ryan joined them. A few moments later the Doctor gave them a weak smile. She walked over to the door, but turned around again before she stepped through:  
“You know, he was right. Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture.”  
Yaz was pretty certain the Doctor was talking about the guy who may have had lured them here.  
After the door closed, they weren't able to hear much for a while. There was distant whispering, which they were convinced had to be the ghosts reminding the Doctor of her past. And, Yaz was certain of that, the Doctor had a lot to mourn. The three were sitting in silence on the stairs leading up to the door, deep furrows on their faces. They could only hope it would be over soon.  
It could only have been a couple of minutes when they started hearing the Doctor. It was only whimpering, but it was heartbreaking already. Some words were carried through the door and into their ears, some they couldn't understand at all, some that didn't make any sense to them. Others were understandable. In the beginning it were mostly calls of “No!”s and “Sorry!”s, but as the time passed by the Doctor seemed to get more and more absorbed by what she was remembering, her calls getting more specific.  
Ryan had started walking back and forth in the room, sometimes pressing his hands against his ears. Graham had his head resting on his hands, his eyes pressed shut. Yaz had sunken to the ground, leaning against the door. She was blankly staring into the distance.  
They heard muffled thuds, probably the Doctor punching her fist to the ground. More words were carried over as the Doctor called out louder and more desperate.  
“Rose!” Yaz heard her crying out. “I'm sorry! I shouldn't have...”  
“...horrible! I know!”  
“... can't forget...”  
When it got too bad, Yaz pressed her eyes shut just like Graham, trying to keep her tears back. She was glad that she didn't get to hear everything and felt even more guilty about letting the Doctor be alone next door.  
The ghosts seamed to feast on whole stories, one after another. Yaz could hear names, so many names. Some came back around again and again. Susan. River. The Doctor was sobbing audible by now and Yaz didn't know how to wait any longer. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.  
“...sorry you had to forget...”  
“...never forgave...”  
It felt like time was frozen. Every cry of the Doctor made them flinch. Yaz couldn't bear it anymore and got to her feet. Right before she was about to open the door Graham grabbed her wrist: “No!” He scolded seriously, “You heard her! It's too dangerous!”  
“I can't listen to it anymore!” Yaz answered, a tear running down her cheek. “She doesn't deserve this!”  
Graham strongly looked her in the eye: “You can get hurt, Yaz. Don't do it.”  
“I'm sorry. I have to be with her, I can't leave her alone anymore.”  
For a second Graham just looked at the woman in front of him, then he nodded once. Yaz handed him the screwdriver and slipped through the door.

The view was heartbreaking. Most of the ghosts had taken a blue colouration and were floating around minding their own business, probably stuffed. But some were still with the Doctor, even though they already were light blue. The time lady lay on the floor in a fetal posture, wet strands of hair across her face. She was sobbing and shaking, her eyes closed. “I'm sorry!” She called out into the dark room. Yaz rushed to her side and sat down next to her, quickly she pulled her up to her chest and hugged her tight. The ghosts around them didn't take notice of Yaz, they were likely latched onto the Doctor.  
“Missy...” one of the ghosts was whispering and the Doctor flinched in Yaz's arms. “Not dead,” she cried, “She's not dead, she can't be dead. It's not my fault, I didn't...”  
Calmly Yaz began to talk to the bundle of sadness: “It's okay, Doctor, it's okay. I'm here. It'll be over soon. I'm with you.” She didn't stop talking, even though some of her words weren't even true. She just had to help the Doctor as best as she could.  
The worst moment came when one of the ghosts whispered “Gallifreys children” next to the Doctor. The time lady screamed in pain, going totally limb in Yaz's arms. Her tears were running rapidly, the sobbing was shaking her whole body. Her hands were shivering and with great difficulty the woman gasped for air between her cries. The memory was apparently so bad that it fed the remaining ghosts immediately. They scattered.  
Yaz screamed for Graham and Ryan who quickly came running, not wasting a second to get the Doctor back to the Tardis. While Ryan helped Yaz supporting the Doctor Graham went ahead and opened the doors for them. They moved as fast as they could, but the Doctor's tears didn't stop. She was shaking, in too bad a condition to walk on her own. Back in the Tardis they brought the Doctor to her room, putting her into her bed and under a lot of blankets. While they were stacking custard creams onto her nightstand and bringing her tea and hot chocolate, she eventually ran out of tears. With a blank expression she lay in her bed, neither moving nor talking. Not knowing what else to do for her, the companions decided to let her rest.  
“No,” the Doctor begged, her voice breaking, “Stay, please.”  
Pulling three chairs next to the Doctors bed they settled to stay the night and as long as the Doctor wanted to have them around her. They wouldn't leave her side, they promised to her.  
After feeding her some custard creams and telling her sweet stories about their recent adventures, some colour came back to the Doctors face. The three of them made sure to keep talking to the woman, they took turns and reviewed their best times together. It took the Doctor some time until she was able to move and react again, but once she was, she hold out her hand to Yaz, a questioning look on her face. Quickly, Yaz took the cold and still shivering hand into her own, and to her delight there was a hint of a smile shaping the corners of the Doctors mouth.


End file.
